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moving on moving on. [Jan. 10th, 2008|05:36 pm]
[emotions in motion |chipperbye.]
[the soundtrack to my life |goodnight goodnight -- maroon 5]

letting go and moving on.

here we are.

goodbye. i think i will still move back here sometime, it seems hard to let go. loving you so much baby.
Linkthoughts spoken

i lovee my mommy. =] [Jan. 10th, 2008|01:24 am]
[emotions in motion |tiredwalao. tired...]
[the soundtrack to my life |centre of my life -- hillsong]

OK DISCLAIMER TO MY LAST POST. my dad DID NOT cut off my line. what he did was upgrade my mom's phone, and then wanted to upgrade her line, to 3G, but upgraded mine instead. which would explain why i couldn't use my phone because the card went kaput and my poor mommy was home stuck with the sim card, waiting for her own line to kaput when actually it's my line that went kaput. so well, i had a great time with my mom anyway. yeappss. hahaha I LOVE MY MOMMY! =]

`stepping out of my comfort zone, letting go of me, holding on to You.
Linkthoughts spoken

a unique woman [Jan. 9th, 2008|02:57 pm]
[emotions in motion |blahholding on to You]
[the soundtrack to my life |Centre of my life -- Hillsong]

i tell you, i really really don't like how work makes me so tired. i mean really tired. sunday night i slept at 3 woke up 7 on monday. bumped into my god-bro. he was late too. then monday slept around 2 woke up at 8 on tuesday. i should so kill myself.. then tuesday night went home straight, and knocked out around 8 till today morning 7. it's super draining. i mean i can sit at the laptop and stone and my head is suddenly very heavy.. oh my goodness. and my dad cut my HP line. i'm so angry.. ok anyway, that's not what i wanna talk about. OHHH. btw, i got leave for next thursday and friday. thursday for rest. i think i will die soon man. they always say you can rest on sat and sun what if you got work. sorry i cannot. this sat got usher. =] anywayyy...

i was reading a book called unique woman. if you think you've seen this set of words in my blog before it's yes because you have and i just never really started it. or i started just never continued. so i had to do something when i was having lunch, so i decided to bring this book along just to will away my time alone, and lunch is really the best time to spend time with God. well, at least for me to say. work well, the world in a whole is a really messy and horrible place. so i really had to spend some time alone with God.

Sorry i had to pause there, my manager was walking in and out. sianess. but work is really trying to kill me man. i really hate it la.. raah. not that i hate the work, but it's really draining. like my whole life is like sucked outta me. raah.. ok let's not go there. i'm back at where my laptop is so i'm happy.. because, my laptop has all my worship songs online. =] so i get to depend on God 360 degrees. hahah. =]

anyway back to topic about the book, i was at lunch la. then i was reading.. sieze the opportunity, there has to be a chapter on submission and the truth about forgiveness.. submission that really affected me, to the extent i stopped lunch.. there comes this super familiar verse in my life, the Ephesians verse again. but that aside. there was this phrase Forgiveness is the essence of mercy, mercy is the essence of grace, grace is the essence of love, and love is the essence of holiness.  i stopped. love. not anything else is the essence of holiness.  Forgiveness is never earned. it is a gift by grace from the love of God shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. then as i went on reading, i was so gonna cry can. i don't know why but God just suddenly touched me. it was like after what happened on monday, God really unlocked my heard. and the book was just asking, are you holding anything against someone? Do you need to forgive yourself? Others? God? then i stopped eating. coz i couldn't go on. then further down was a prayer.

Father I come to You now, in the name of Jesus. By faith, I ask You to forgive me and cleanse me of all my sins. You said unless I forgive, You would not forgive me. So right now, I ask You to forgive me and cleanse my heart and mind of all sin. By faith, I recieve the power of the Holy Spirit into my life. By the ability of Your Spirit and the authority of Your word, I forgive that person who has sinned against me. I release his sin out of my life. Thank You , Lord. for what You are doing to make me free from my own sin and the sins of others.

God really ministered to me can. it was like just suddenly. i felt as if God was just holding me close. just hugging me so tight. i almost cried. well, at least i didn't feel THAT bad after lunch. and one more hour till i'm off work. God's so here. i didn't feel that bad during work knowing that He's with me.



`I love because You first loved me. For You are always here with me. letting go of me, holding on to You. I'll make You the centre of my life.
Linkthoughts spoken

I have nothing left to offer [Jan. 8th, 2008|12:19 pm]
[emotions in motion |blahblank.]
[the soundtrack to my life |thank you -- CCC youth]

i have nothing left to offer you Lord, other than myself as an offering, so take me and use me Lord.

`all i wanna do is worship You.
Linkthoughts spoken

how many times i broke Your heart, yet You still came to my rescue. [Jan. 8th, 2008|12:24 am]
[emotions in motion |confused...???]
[the soundtrack to my life |came to my rescue -- hillsong]

eric, miaow guan, kenneth and myself went to chomp chomp today. haha imainge 4 broke people going for dinner. all together. hahaha. but that was not the highlight of the evening actually. after that, we went down to eric's place, supposedly to slack, but also to talk lor. so eric was playing his electric guitar. playing the hallelujah part of thank you. and then as we were just talking. about what was happening, and eric was sharing about this buddy of his that he fell out with due to some problems, and i really had to look away. when you shared, when God asked you to let go, it was what God was asking me at that same point. the whole pressence of God was really strong, and all of us had our own individual revelations. and to me, eric's always been my closest friend. i Thank God for Eric.. but really. i think God really ministered to us all tonight.

a pictorial revelation i had was about eric's desk. eric's desk is super clustered. and he had this light on his desk surrounded by all the mess, and i realy felt a revelation before it came.. and what God was trying to say to me was, would you be the light when you have seen that the world is such a mess and such a clutter. then he didnt stop there, he went on to say, if you turn off the light, you wont be able to see the clutter at all. so to an extent i felt God like saying, would you keep shining your light, for people to see that you have God's light in you and that the world itself is such a huge mess? and it really hit hard back home. especially after asking if i could let go. im trying. i really am. 

http://bless2shine.imeem.com/playlist/eL78LPP3/hillsongs_music_playlist/
the songs of hillsong.


`circumstances fade away with You, my God.
Linkthoughts spoken

my Saviour King [Jan. 3rd, 2008|09:09 am]
[emotions in motion |sad:( a little not]
[the soundtrack to my life |hosanna -- hillsong united]

I foresee a long and tedious year ahead.. but i'm game. just as long as certain people dont cross me again. i dont think i'm depressed anymore, but i just feel bullied all the time.. it's like i always have to give in, and i have to in times be people's mediator, be their hearing aid, be their listening ear [mind you a hearing aid is different from a listening ear.] it's times like this when you really just need someone, or actually SOMETHING to talk to before you go mad. like now. oh my goodness. talking to myself can turn me insane you know. pastor says it's ok to talk to yourself, as long as you don't talk to yourself back. which unfortunately seems to be what i do. siann. I mean, life's getting better and everything, life's ok i guess, it just happens so when you're getting your life back together, someone walks in, brings a hope up and then drops everything for their clean record and leaves you to clean up the mess you BOTH made, and leaves you walking away alone. and it always happens that's the scariest part of it. i would love to call you a bitch, seeing you're one in the understanding and in the mind. well, wait then, you are. hahaha. i love talking to imai. i dont understand why the leaders dont like her. i simply LOVE her!!!!! HAHAHA she makes me laugh my butt off. and she so totally kicks butt, for me. hahahaha. thanks to her! =] someone's a bitch a coupla times over. not just once, so well, it ain't me then. hahahahaha. true, her hokien and english vulgarities sprout smoother than poetry. hahaha. but i'm seriously sick of being not taken for granted, but taken as a back up. not about being in the background. if i weren't, then i wouldn't be in cch and usher. Matthaeus, i will not be put into either dance or choir. BLEAH! i dont care if you head what. i will not take stage till i'm ready. honestly, i'm not, or actually i wont. i dont wanna have to be bogged down, not by commitment, but by emotions. so many lives interwined, but never understood. No one would ever ask me how i was this or how i was that, many times, it'd just be, hey can i this this this and that that that. why do i always have to give in? sacrifice isn't the same as giving in.


let now weak say i have strength
by the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead
let now the poor stand and confess
that my portion is Him and I'm more than blessed

`stop being a bitch, learn to be a man for once will you. my Saviour King.
Linkthoughts spoken

happy new year. [Jan. 1st, 2008|11:38 pm]
[emotions in motion |tiredzzz tired....]
[the soundtrack to my life |perfect year -- dina caroll]

Ring out the old, bring in the new
A midnight wish to share with you
Your lips are warm, my head is light
Were we in love before tonight?

I don't need a crowded ballroom everything I need is here
If your with me next year will be
The perfect year

No need to hear the music play,
You eyes say all there is to say
The stars can fade and they can shine
'Long as your face is next to mine

I don't need a crowded ball room everything I need is here
If your with me next year will be
The perfect year

We don't need a crowded ballroom everything we need is here
If your with me next year will be
The perfect year

It's New Year's Eve and hopes are high
Dance one year in, kiss one goodbye
Another chance, another start
So many dreams to tease the heart

We don't need a crowded ballroom everything we need is here
And face to face we will embrace
The perfect year
Oh, we don't need a crowded ballroom everything we need is here
And face to face we shall embrace
The perfect year
Ahh, the perfect year


well, it wasnt the most perfect year that went by, with all it's ups and downs, severe ups, and horrible downs, but well, '07 is over, and it's a new beginning. 

Verse 1
I see the king of glory
Coming down the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

Chorus
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

Verse 2
I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a new revival
Staring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

Bridge
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Hosanna

no i didnt cry when i heard this song, but it tugged, not one, but two three four strings in my heart. i rmb in june, when pastor joakim was here, and he preached about spiritual parents, and about my vision for CCH. and it was this same song. and as the church sang, it was like a reminder, and also a question, dont you wanna do more, or do you think you're doing enough? so i did tell mae ann i wanna do more in CCH. it's gonna be so amazing! =] glory to God. not only that. just before the clock struck midnight, ok i'm being dramatic, there's no grandfather clock in church, but yes, then pastors was saying, pray for the person beside you, so i wasnt sure whether the person beside me was a R, I or N, so i ok never mind, just pray. so to me, it was a very simple prayer la. like for God to be when her through not just the new year but also the whole year through, and to break all her barriers and such, so i lay one hand on her and started praying, so to me right, it was simple nothing much one. and then when i opened my eyes i saw her tearing. i was so shocked. i never pray until someone cry before. oh my goodness. then i told fabian about it. hahaha. long story. but he said he's very proud of me, well, CCH's very proud of him too! he won the EVANGELIST OF THE YEAR award. well done!!! =] then also, God again raised idea about the thrid ministry i wanted to join. and i was hesitant la. not that i didnt want the ministry. i wanted to join the ministry. but i was hesitant in the sense in doubt whether i would be allowed in. longer story still. then the whole night was ok lor. tired... just really tired. but couldnt sleep properly because i was wearing a dress. i have no idea how gonghua and sinfei can still be so energetic at 6 in the morning. walao... then me and qi wei went down for breakfast with randyne, leona, sunny, weize. and poor jing heng was sleeping in church. but they were fun lor. hahhah had a really great time getting to know them better. hahah then after that. stayed till 9++ waiting for someonee to be able to accompany them home, becuase i scared they sleep on the train. walao... they are like DIFFICULT to wake. oh my goodness. that one, you can ask qi wei to verify. hahaha but it was a good day. well, good start at least. hahaha i like my dress. =]  ian super funny, tell me, waah, new year, "chu zhao chu dao wan." hahahaha. to a extent true la. hahaha. a girl's allowed to dress up a coupla times a year and new year's one of them. hahaha.. ok. tired. now i wanna go sleep le.. tired. i not going to workk. yeahh. =] super tired sia. nights everyone. =]

hahhaa i just rmbed, last year's blog post on new year had so many photos. hahhaha. well new times. nights everyone. =]




`will you be willing to do more? when I say you will be there, you will be.
Linkthoughts spoken

addicted to You and then ALDO shoes. [Dec. 31st, 2007|12:05 am]
[emotions in motion |bouncyYou and aldo addict..]
[the soundtrack to my life |what hurts the most -- rascal flatts]

i am hereby addicted to ALDO!!! oh my goodness. shoes, accesories.. everything. AND ALDO IS NOT HAVIN DISCOUNT. ARGH... i'm just waiting for those shoes to either drop to 50% or 70% discount. hahahaa. it's super gorgeous!!! and i spent like 100+++ when i went out with xueli today.. i should so kill myself. i bought a dress, that guy was so nice, he gave me 10% discount. must be my very nice smile. hahaha. i really dunnoe why he gave it to us. i dunnoe if he could have authorised the discount, but i wonder why he actually did? hahaha. yeapp. must be my very very nice smile. =] haha then i went to levis to buy a shirt. 20% off. hahaha. so ended up paying only 26! =] hahah then went to ebase and bought this cute tube halter. then went to far east, bought a brown tube to match with my dress and something else. hahahaha. then went to gataomo to cut hair. hahah wash and cut by jacky. haah then we bumped into gina bk stella elgin ernie sahai hong and chew. hahhahaa chew dye hair.. then i just cut. hahaa. thin actually. =] so it'll go with my earrings and hair. =] hahah well, a girl has a right to dress up a few times a year right. hahaha. i look quite nice. =] self praise is therapeutic. ahaaa so shuddup. haha. it's like everything is so miraculous his few days can. hahah

take for example ytd when i was on usher. i asked this integration back, without expecting him to turn up. when i was downstairs doing usher, then i saw him in the distance. OMG! but i must say there was a lack of warmth and welcome.. but he came! and i thank God for bringing him back. =] hahahaha i just hope you'd keep coming back, even if im not on usher on the white gate dear.. you tomato boy.. haha



i realise i look super skinny. haahaha should i still complain im fat? hahahhaah :P ahaa i was looking at all the sales going by, then i made this comment, darn i need a rich boyfriend. hahha :P
Linkthoughts spoken

i feel gorgeous.. wait.. i am. [Dec. 30th, 2007|12:39 am]
[emotions in motion |cheerfulcheery but super tired....]
[the soundtrack to my life |i will magnify you -- CCC Oxford falls]

hahaha well, i did white gate, again. yes again, though i did wanna do audi, but if they needed people at white gate, then i'd reather do it there than have jian ming pick and choose. hahaah. anyway, i feel super gorgeous.. hahah. coz coz coz.. i was wearingmy auntie's shirt today. hahah quite nice. together with jeans i hardly wear jeans. hahaha. so so so so.. hahaha then i was there, and doing usher la. hahah rainng. siann. aahhahaha... so i was wearing quite nice, at least i thought i was..wearing make up somemore leh. hahaha. yeahh. not only did i feel gorgeous, i was really gorgeous. hahahaa. the best thing was when one of my leaders walked in through the white gate and said, hey you're dressed up today arh. hahha. i felt damn gorgeous can. =] i shall show off on monday! =] amazing. i love my God. =] service was like AMAZING!!!!! almost 4 hrs. hahahaha. but cool man.. =] =]
Linkthoughts spoken

trust Me. [Dec. 26th, 2007|11:34 pm]
[emotions in motion |quixoticamazed!]
[the soundtrack to my life |hallelujah -- hillsong united]

the endless possibilities about the glory of God. OMG! you know i havent posted a really spiritual post for a long time, all my posts have been stupid mundane and upsetting, but here's something for me to listen to for good. we, meaning the CCH projection team had a prayer meeting tonight. 10.45. so we were just praying for everything la.. pastors and rinnah, sister mae ann, projection team and cch. so i was suppose to be praying for the cch, but coz last week i was praying for breakthrough in CCH and cch really broke through, i was like ok thank God and pray for each projectionist, nothing much i can do right? next thing i knew, i was praying like never before. i mean never before. it wasnt me praying. i prayed for cch breakthrough, the individual projectionist. all the small things and i couldnt even imagine that God would use me in this way. it was really as if i'd been next to God. like for real. after a prayed, i just sat down and cried.. i was so shocked.. it definately all started last wednesday when we were praying as well, and it was then that i was praying for the breakthrough and i really broke through myself..and all through the week God was like, see I told you there was no need to doubt. today was a really clear sign la. especially during work. i had a hard time the first half of the day, coz i was new and no one was really friendly, so i had pretty tough a time, only when i went for lunch. i went alone. imagine. ahhaah. so yeah. i went and so i said grace right, thank God for the meal and asked Him to be with me throughout this work. and imagine, after that, i had NO PROBLEMS finding files and getting them back where they were suppose to go, i had no problems sorting out the transfer present and past. i was amazed. and i was so raarhing to leave, then i told God, God please guide these hands, and within 5 minutes. i swear, i got all the files back to where they were suppose to be, i got them all right, cleared up and voila! i was outta there. set and done. OMG i still cannot believe it was me praying!!! agh!!!! i remember what was the last sentence of my testimony when i shared during easter.


`a mind blowing, earth shaking, and above all, loving God. Hallelujah.
Linkthoughts spoken

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